We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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