It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
