just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
