if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
how drunk are you?
Several
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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