what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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