So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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