I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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