My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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