; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
