I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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