You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
