We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
