Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
