tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
