All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
