Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
