Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
