no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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