Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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