I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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