So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize