so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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