she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
