omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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