I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
