Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
