I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
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the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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