i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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