she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
