Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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