Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
