mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
