i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
