Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
