I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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