You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
