Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
