new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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