Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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