So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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