I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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