i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
