it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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