captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
