I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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