Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
