So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
this is an emotional support booty call
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
FUCK WHALES
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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