who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You made out with two different species that night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
