I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
someone owes me an orgasm
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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