I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
