I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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