Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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