SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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