Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
