never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
