Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
