the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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