Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
