Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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