And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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