i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
