in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
