I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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