I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
