I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
