Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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